shadows of your mind
by MsEstora
Summary: Anakin deserves better than to have a Master who may or may not be on the edge of some kind of bizarre nervous breakdown.


_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by George Lucas. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

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This is a one-shot, prompted by a friend over on LiveJournal. The prompt was: "ambigiuous ghost!/hallucination!Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan." This piece is set post-TPM. I hope you enjoy!

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**shadows of your mind**

There are only so many places in the Temple a boy can hide, but Anakin is clearly some sort of child prodigy in the art of evasion. He is strong in the Force, yes, but not strong enough yet to make himself completely invisible – let alone good enough at shielding himself so well that no-one can sense him. There is only one of two possibilities left: Anakin is on the opposite side of the Temple that Obi-Wan is right now, or he has left the Temple entirely.

Obi-Wan hopes for the former, but reason and experience tells him the latter is more likely.

"It should _not_ be difficult for a ten-year-old boy to sit still for more than twenty minutes," he mutters, and turns on his heel to make his way to the hangar (where he hopes to not find Anakin hotwiring Master Windu's speeder. Again.)

When first faced with the daunting task of finding Anakin three months ago, Obi-Wan had panicked terribly and enlisted the aid of no less than five friends to help him track down his wayward Padawan. Since then a list of Anakin's Favourite Places had been compiled – the first place being the garbage levels.

It's crowded today, bustling with the lower-level humans and aliens who like to place bets on the illegal speeder races. Obi-Wan weaves through the crowd expertly, using the Force to hone in on Anakin's strong signature – near where the speeders were, the little _brat_, he knows he isn't supposed to be anywhere near the racers –

From the corner of his eye, a familiar face catches his attention. Obi-Wan sees the man for less than a second, but that second is all he needs. He focuses on the man in the distance, mouth dry, and he starts to push back through the crowd. "Excuse me," he says, voice hoarse and soft. "Sorry, just –"

_It's him._

"Qui—" he starts to call out, but a passing stranger ploughs into his side and he staggers. When Obi-Wan looks up again, Qui-Gon is gone, and he immediately feels ashamed.

_Don't be ridiculous. Of course it wasn't Qui-Gon_.

He finds Anakin a few moments later, face streaked with fuel grime from the speeders.

"Master!" Anakin exclaims, looking guilty. "Master, I –"

Obi-Wan just clears his throat. "Anakin. Let's… let's go back to the Temple."

"…Are you okay, Master?"

Obi-Wan's eyes scan the crowd, but he doesn't spot the familiar face again. "Yes, Anakin," he murmurs, "just fine."

* * *

He thinks he sees Qui-Gon again the very next day, passing him in the Temple, but when he turns to look again he's disappeared.

* * *

It's easy to chalk these isolated events up to grief or exhaustion. Obi-Wan hasn't slept properly since Qui-Gon died, so it's not unreasonable to consider that he's hallucinating. But it's been five months, so if trauma was going to hit in then it really ought to have started earlier.

It's not worth going to see anyone about it yet. He's only _thought_ he saw Qui-Gon twice – easy mistakes to make, plenty of people have long hair and beards – so all he really needs is a good night of rest and a few cups of tea. Anakin deserves better, after all, than to have a Master who may or may not be on the edge of some kind of bizarre nervous breakdown.

* * *

"Master, are you all right? You've been acting all weird."

"I'm fine, Anakin, thank you."

"You don't _seem_ fine. You look old."

"And you could do with a wash, but you don't see me complaining about it."

* * *

Obi-Wan gets the sleep he needs, but within days his realm of unconsciousness is invaded by Qui-Gon as well. The standard nightmare at first – helplessly watching on as the Zabrak ruthlessly stabs Qui-Gon – but one night it just involves Qui-Gon watching _him_.

"Obi-Wan," he says, and Obi-Wan forces himself awake.

_Dreams pass in time_, he tells himself, and decides sleeping isn't what he needs after all.

* * *

He doesn't want to tell anyone, not yet. Either he's mad, or he's grieving, or Qui-Gon is trying to communicate with him – and the last one isn't possible because Qui-Gon is one with the Force, and the dead do not speak.

(_Miss him, do not. Mourn him, do not._)

He's grieving, Obi-Wan diagnoses, and starts to meditate twice as much as he used to. Anakin finds it annoying, but it's better than believing he's gone mad.

* * *

"Obi-Wan."

"You're not real."

"Obi-Wan."

"You're _dead_. This isn't real. Just – leave me alone, I –"

There's a pounding in Obi-Wan's head, a pain behind his eyes – vision beginning to blur and his ears ringing and muffled at the same time, as though stuffed with wool. He reaches out to grab the table for support – _hold it together_ – but it feels so far away –

"_Listen_," Qui-Gon says, and the last thing Obi-Wan sees is the ground.

* * *

When he wakes up – head bruised from colliding with the edge of the table – Qui-Gon is gone again.

Obi-Wan shakily makes himself a cup of tea and sips it slowly. _If I see him again_, he tells himself, _I'll speak to Master Yoda._

Anakin won't be back for a while. Obi-Wan puts his head down and cries.

Qui-Gon doesn't come back after that.

* * *

Obi-Wan does everything he is supposed to: eat healthily, meditate frequently, keep physically fit, read widely, and sleep well. He doesn't quite know how to handle Anakin yet, but he thinks he'll get there one day. (As long as the boy stops sneaking out of the Temple to race in the garbage levels.)

He doesn't see Qui-Gon again, but he's not sure whether he's feeling relieved or upset.

_Listen? Listen to what?_

Dreams pass in time, he reminds himself, because the dead do not pass along messages.


End file.
